Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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