too bad you live with your parents still
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
