get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
