is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
