Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize