I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
