Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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