So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
