It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i drank out of a bidet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
