Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
