The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
