If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
