Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
