Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
