you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
