If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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