He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
