and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
