Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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