She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
