she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
