If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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