I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
