I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
