I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
