i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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