She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
