She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize