People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
