I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
