the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
