Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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