not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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