Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
