so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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