Whod you bang
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
