the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
