God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
