Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
