I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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