you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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