I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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