DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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