My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
