I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
