i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
