i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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