So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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