would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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