Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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