I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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