Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
