just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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