Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
