Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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