he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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