I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
