all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
