did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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