dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
