I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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