The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
