When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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