so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
