He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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