Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
