I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
