Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
