his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
