Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize