My hand turned me down
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
