I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
