Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
