I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
