the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
