I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
