I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize