I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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