3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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