I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will pee on everything he values.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
