I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
