So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
