I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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