I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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