friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
