Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
