there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
