You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
