bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
