I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
