Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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