I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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