i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
