I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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