I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
