Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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