either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
