Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
