What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize