Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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