Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
tell me about the fingering
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
