I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
