Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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