its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
