I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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