i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
